Some say that Jesus’ greatest miracle was having 12 close friends in his 30s. As someone in her late 20s, I can understand why. With age, we become more socially selective, have less time to invest in friendships, and become preoccupied with other aspirations.
When you ask Google how to form friendships, you might get the usual culprits: listen well, know their love languages, plan regular hangouts, etc. Sociologists claim that there are three necessary conditions for intimate friendships: (1) proximity, (2) repeated, unplanned interactions, and (3) a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.
However, the way that I’ve developed intimate friendships has been largely shaped by the way that I’ve seen my family love others and love me. Though they never explicitly stated or articulated their friendship philosophies, their friendship values were clear. These are the three signs that I’ve made a close friend:
1) A Friendship Centered Around the Home
If you step into our home, the first thing you’ll see is a fruit platter waiting for you. Adorned in a perfect circle is the fellowship of the fruits — dragon fruit, Taiwanese guava, persimmons, blueberries, white peaches, muscat grapes, and Korean pears. No matter what time you come, my mom will present you with a fresh fruit platter; it is the bare minimum of hospitality. And even if your visit is unexpected, don’t worry. My mom is always prepared in advance for your coming, with a stocked pantry of Asian snacks and an eagerness to whip up a home-cooked meal. No belly will leave our house unfed. This is simply the way of the Asian household and contributes to the charm of one coming over to our home.
Social gatherings and hangouts are usually planned in public places: coffee shops, restaurants, bars, malls, etc. But the environment and ambiance play a huge factor in the quality of your conversations; you can’t have much of a conversation if you can barely hear your…
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