Dear Kiki,
My Asian parents are selling my childhood home and enlisted my help in downsizing. However, they have accumulated many things due to a scarcity mindset and have trouble parting with their possessions. I want to be supportive, but I am also incredibly overwhelmed. Where do I even begin?
It is natural to experience many emotions as you say goodbye to your childhood home. For many of us, it is a place of familiarity, safety, and comfort that we can retreat to whenever we need a pick-me-up—even long after we’ve moved out. The memories in our childhood homes are the building blocks of our identity, and it can feel like we are losing a part of ourselves by permanently closing the door on those defining years.
However, navigating this path with Asian parents can be a significant emotional and mental load for the children (which sometimes goes unacknowledged) as they lean on you as they bid a final farewell to the home they had built for their family. Balancing your parents’ wishes for help and intervening with reasonable discards can be tricky, especially when dealing with sentimental items.
So, having coping strategies and moving plans can help with the process, minimizing stressors on the family.
Cope in your own way
Even if downsizing was always part of the plan or a logistical next step, it can feel like a shock when it’s time to pack. You are carrying a huge emotional load by being there for your parents and by processing your grief.
Therefore, giving yourself the space to process your feelings healthily can help the move go smoothly.
- Practice gratitude: Take time to reminisce memories by spending time in familiar spaces, looking at old photos, or packing a memory box with mementos
- Gather for a meal: Go around the table sharing your childhood memories or cook your favourite childhood dish with your parents.
- Take a family photo: A photo will last forever—in front of the porch, at…
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