As you drink your mango boba while studying for your high school senior finals, you’re listening to lo-fi cafe music. A sweet, innocent girl. On the outside, you look as if you have your life together.
When you were younger, you loved to color and were very careful to do it inside the lines. You wanted it perfect, no mistakes. Your lola gave you an A+ on the page, and that was when you started to need reassurance and validation.
Growing up Asian American, you felt pressure to be perfect: Don’t get into anything that will ruin your reputation; don’t be too thin and don’t be too thick; you have to earn love through your success and achievements; you have to get an education before marriage, but you will also feel the pressure of your parents wanting grandchildren right away.
“Look at your cousin! How successful!”
“You need to lose weight.”
But also, growing up, love was served in forms of food and acts of service. You might not have always heard the words of affirmation or emotional support, but there was still love. Your mom cooked warm sinigang (sour Filipino soup) on cold, snowy days, especially when you were stressed by schoolwork. Your dad drove you to school every day, especially so you’d be safe on rainy days.
You were always pressured by your parents and told you were not good enough, but you reframed it and thought: Your parents did the best they could, with the tools and knowledge they had. You don’t have to earn love. You already deserve it.
Success is not just a form of money. It’s also joy, love, and peace. Growing up as a mixed Asian American, you wanted to have more typical features, speak Filipino, and be in that Asian group that was cliquey, but your college was a predominately white institution.
On social media, you posted your success and achievements to try to feel validated, but as you changed over the years, you shared personal insights on what college was really like. On the outside, you were always busy, had an event or club…
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