I have known since I was a child that anything I do or any choice I make will reflect upon my mother or extended family, unintentionally or not. I always consider how my actions might have a domino effect, highly emphasized by my mother and my upbringing. I was never allowed to make a choice simply because I wanted to or because it made me happy. I’ve always had to think about the bigger picture.
I have also known since childhood that one day, it would be my/my brother’s responsibility to take care of our ailing mother. Growing up in Vietnamese culture, ancestral worship is considered a huge part of our identity and how we determine our paths and actions. We need to ensure that the decisions we make will not bring shame — not only to ourselves, but also to our ancestors who have made it possible for us to be here. The daunting task of familial responsibility and communal thinking leaves little room for time to think about oneself. However, I believe that in order to work better as a whole, we must also take the time to work on ourselves. How can we do better by our family and community, if we are not taking care of ourselves first and foremost to be healthy, sound of mind, and content?
Self-care can take many forms, from taking a bath, to keeping a journal, to taking time to be alone and away from outside stressors. For those within many AAPI communities, we are often told that to stop for a second to catch our breath or to consider our feelings first before the greater scheme of things is inherently selfish.
How would we define self-care? I would define it as actions or mindsets taken to improve, benefit and/or calm one’s mind, health and wellbeing.
How would we define selfishness? I would define it as putting oneself above everything and all else, even to the detriment of oneself and to those around them, usually to the point of narcissism.
For my own personal journey, I needed to make peace with myself that taking care of myself needs to intertwine…
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